the only thing im good at is hurting people

sometimes i like to pretend that my life is a movie. it makes everything less real so i don’t actually have to feel it, don’t really have to face it. it makes all the messes i make okay. in movies you can have it all and you can be anything and everything you want. it’s okay that your mind changes at the drop of a hat because it’s just a movie, and everyone knows they work out how they should in the end. everything is so much more perfect and special and beautiful. and of course there’s always a happy ending. but then i have to remind myself that my life isn’t a movie, and there isn’t some invisible force pulling the strings to make sure that everything turns out okay in the end. it’s just me, and this is real life, and i am the only one with the power to decide how my story goes. and it’s only once i step out of the movie and back into reality that i can really see the mess i’ve made, and the destruction i’ve left in my path.